Thoughts from a woman who has too much time on her hands

I've been thinking a lot about following Jesus recently. A comfortable Christianity seems an ill-fitted shoe on a path that's narrow and hard. I'm struggling with "being in the world and not of the world". What is that anyway? For a long time, practicing my faith consisted of praying, Bible study, and Sundays, Wednesdays, and the occassional outreach. The rest of my life seems to be untouched. I live like my neighbors who don't profess Jesus as their Savior. We have the same kind of house, clothes, cars, etc. Is that good enough? Is evangelism enough of an effort? Hand out some tracts with the candy on Halloween and feel better about myself? Teach Sunday school and VBS?

I feel like my life is flashing before my eyes. I'm wasting it. I'm struggling with a battle of comfort and familiarity and the desire to live an authentic and hard life for Christ. It's not enough to know the Scriptures and pray anymore. I feel like part of me wants to sell everything we have and follow Him to the ends of the earth, but the other part of me struggles with the comfort of a Southern Living home and a new Taurus in the drive way. We tithe, we pray, we believe and tell others about Him, isn't that enough? Isn't that good enough? If it is, why do I feel so bad about it. These materials bring me comfort, but no peace. But yet, I keep living this same life afraid of what the cost may really be to give it all up.